Make Sure Your Ladder Is On the Right Wall
How many times have you poured blood, sweat, and tears into something only to realize that activity, person, or thing wasn’t what truly mattered to you?
Anecdote #1: The Classic “Logical Path” Fallacy
Once upon a time, Jack, a recent college graduate, pursued a job in tech because, well, what else would he do being born and raised in the Bay Area where tech is king and to do anything else meant becoming an economic outcast and having a career that was sorely irrelevant in conversations with his circle of techie friends. After working years in tech, poor, energy-sapped and spiritually lost Jack sat disillusioned at his WFH desk — realizing that his left-brain had tricked him! The corporate perks, sexy pay, and “tech is the future” slogan that came with his job meant nothing in comparison to his secret and personally embarrassing, yet true and diverse interests of working in a nonprofit, trying out a career in the restaurant business, mastering the art of real estate investing, and so on.
Anecdote #2: The Yuppie “I Hate My First Job, Yet Can’t Quit” Fallacy
Susie’s first job out of college was as a patient coordinator for a prestigious hospital and at first, the job was exciting! A wondrous, unexplored world containing a web of stakeholder partners touting impressive CVs and upholding exemplary professionalism and prose, an endless flow of new and rich information to dive into and become expert in, and so on. Yet, after awhile, the job started to turn the tide: management started showing their true and yucky colors and the role became unhealthily intense — setting her up for burnout, and her team, as a result, rapidly dropped in morale. Still, being a first-generation college student and having parents that worked hard for her to receive the education that qualified her for this work, quitting was unspeakable, to admit defeat, to throw opportunity out the window!
Anecdote #3: The 2020s “I Must Optimize Every Part of Myself” Syndrome
For our last anecdote is Aaron’s case, a young man in his mid-20s who lives in the modern-day: a world full of social media, smart phones, and endless information. Like everyone, having the world at his fingertips means having access to all the information and opportunities he needs to maximize his time and optimize himself. For example, Aaron scrolled through TikTok one day and saw a nearby trendy restaurant, thereby requiring him to go by merit of simply knowing (or else the opportunity cost of potentially miss out on another “valuable” experience might eat away at his optimizing brain! Because, well, more experiences equates to more value, right?) Or another time when Aaron was reading through Medium and read an article that said taking precisely eight fish oil pills can help boost his memory and other cognitive abilities by exactly 37% — and thus, he can’t say no to buying an annual subscription of fish oil pills, right? (Hopefully, by now you’re getting a feel for my sarcasm and the fact that by succumbing to this side-effect of “optimization mentality,” he isn’t spending his time how he truly wants to and instead, how he’s taught he should by today’s information-inflated society)
If You’re on the Wrong Wall…It’s Time to Climb Down & Regroup
Sometimes, it’s easy to feel a false sense of forced commitment to something, whether it be a process, goal, a person, or whatever. This can be caused by unfair expectations, which then becomes familiar and comfortable to you and further, often times becomes part of your identity. For instance, a tech job was expected of Jack and as a result, became part of his life for many years. Consequently, over time, techie-ness unintentionally became a part of how he was known, or his identity — something which can be very difficult to detach from.
For others, it can be difficult to admit to themselves that they had the wrong intuition at the start of their journey. This can certainly be seen through the example of Susie as she realized that her first job, although exciting in the beginning, turned out to be unfit for her personal and career needs. Again, detaching from the familiar is a hard task to ask for.
Whatever the reason may be, it may be time to take a step down from you figurative ladder of hard work and commitment and ask yourself whether your ladder is leaned against the right wall. In other words, ask yourself:
Do you truly value whatever you’re putting effort toward?
From a logical perspective, if you’re climbing up the wrong wall, or if you’re pursuing an unimportant goal, investing in a chronically unhealthy relationship, or taking part in a meaningless and valueless activity, then you’re spending your time unwisely. Your actions aren’t in alignment with your priorities, which by my definition, are things that make you feel either happy, fulfilled, joyous, and/or healthy in the long run.
Furthermore, your time is your most precious asset. This, combined with the notion that all great things take time, including reaching your highest goals and cherishing your closest loved ones, means that you need a significant amount of time for these things, while have very little of it. This only supports the logic that your time is precious and therefore, you must use it wisely, or toward things aligning with your interests, values, aspirations, and inner identity.
How To Ensure You’re on the Right Wall!
Thus, it’s important to ensure your ladder is leaned against the right wall. To do this, it may be time to:
- Climb Down the Ladder: clear your schedule, take a day to yourself, and give yourself the time and space to think about how you use your time.
- Reflect on Your Climb: journal your thoughts and reflect on how you felt during your climb e.g., your journey in pursuit of whatever goal you set for yourself. Ask yourself whether you enjoy the journey, whether you still value the goal itself, why you initially started climbing up the ladder, etc.
Also, reflect on the climb back down. In other words, how easy was it for you to step away and make space between you and the journey? - Stress Test Your Wall: ask yourself, “If I stopped climbing up the wall e.g., your goal, relationship, etc., would I feel lost or devastated?”
- Reposition Your Ladder: depending on the former answer, you may either be simply feeling the brunt of your climb or may need to consider repositioning toward alternative goals that better align with what you truly value.
- Maintenance Test: have you heard the saying “live your life one day at a time?” That might be true for certain cases, but not for this situation: I suggest living your life six months at a time! Consistent reflection is healthy, so I suggest repeating the above process every six months or so to ensure that the way you spend your days align with your priorities.
Final Thoughts
If you made it this far into the article, I’d like to assume that you’re an overthinker like me. But with that, comes gifts of thoughtfulness and intentionality behind what and why you do something. Therefore, I’d like to leave you with one final note:
The fact that you’re thoughtfully thinking about what and why you do things means that that your ladder will soon be leaned on the right wall, if it hasn’t yet already. And with that comes ultimate happiness and fulfillment for yourself and optimal value for the world in which you live in and for others you meet.
